I finally have a nice link to my interview with Simone Williams that appeared on Gram Ponante's site two weeks ago. There a few racy type pictures with the story, very artsy and beautiful. Tasteful in a "Playboy" kind of way. If you decide to check out the rest of Gram's site, it does get a bit more graphic. He is so funny though, it's worth it. If Gram wrote about the insurance industry I would read it. A crack up!

Corsets a Go-Go!

I leave for the Austin Out of Bounds Improv Fest in less than a week. I'm trying to get all my gels, liquid and potions into my checked luggage. It takes a lot of the them to create the glamour puss you see before you, and now I can't split the load to disguise the sheer volume.

I will be hosting one of the Friday night line-up at the Hideout, and I am so excited!!! They really don't know what to expect. I may be small, but I fill a room!

BTW, I don't think that creepy guy killed Jon Benet. I think he is just some freaked out pedophile fan of the killing. I don't know what is up with those people in Colorado. I've been there. They all seemed very nice, living in the pretty mountains. I did just read a CREEPY article in the NYTimes about the "pedophile rights" movement. The little pendant necklaces they wear to signal to each other and to kids who's into it? Triangles for boys, hearts for girls? Oh my god, I thought I was going to throw up my danish. And this movement seems to be headquartered in Colorado.

Now, I can see the appeal of an attractive young person when you are also a young person, but now even the college frat boys are starting to look like toddlers to me. Why anyone would like to have sex with an actual toddler or child is beyond my comprehension. I think this whole Brazilian wax movement and the wax industry is partially to blame. It just blurs the line even more.

But these creeps existed long before, the ancient Greeks and all that. Is having a teeny tiny hole to put your pee pee in that important? A merely tiny butt hole on a 19 year old who's parents still pay their credit cards is not tight enough? Is it about the skin? The fear in their eyes? Because you are a sick, sick person who needs to be killed by a vigilante mob. When the world was a smaller place, all kinds of people were killed for mysterious reasons. Lizzie Borden may have had her reasons.

I know that earlier in the post I linked to a porn site. But porn is for grown ups. Even if the grown ups want to pretend they are little girls and hold a teddy bear or suck suggestively on a lollipop and talk in a baby voice. Somehow that is much less creepy that photos of actual children doing kid things not suggestively. Even the Furry Fetish people are less creepy. They are fetish-izing a kids thing, toys and stuffed animals, but it is consenting adults. That's the key. Consenting adults. The both parties involved.

Things are picking up here over at the digs of The Countess! Work is progressing on the "Rainy Days and Mondays" pre-production, I am getting a new dress for the video and for the upcoming trip to Austin for the Out of Bounds Comedy Fest, and I will be a guest columnist for Gram Ponante blog twice this month. Gram writes about sexy things for the Sexy Industry. The Countess will be working blue at 10am at home in her PJ's!

More soon...

Jon Benet Ramsey's mother died this week, supposedly of ovarian cancer. That is very suspicious to me. I think the husband killed her. Slowly poisoning her so he can collect the insurance money.

Hello! I hope you are having a lovely day.

One the most wonderful things about Hollywood is that they will promote your funeral! The recently deceased musician and "Fifth Beatle," Billy Preston's memorial service was today, and it has been promoted like a rock concert for weeks. All "scheduled to appear" and like that.

There will be local news van coverage and your celebrity friends and neighbors will give sound bites. You don't have to be The Pope or Princess Diana either. Even if you are only remotely famous, there is a file/pre-edited tape about you ready to go in the obits department. A close, personal friend of The Countess used to work for Entertainment Tonight back in the mid 90's, in obits. When Bob Hope (who is remotely famous) died a few years ago, she called The Countess to say that he was the last of the celebs she was assigned to go. Now she could finally have closure with her job at ET!

Hello!!

Good morning! Hello!! Welcome to my new blog! As the smallest, hardest working person in show business, it was time that my blog was actually somewhere that the fans could read it, instead of just being part of my schtick. The website will be up and running soon, but for now, Blogger it is!

I have been given the official notice that I will be hosting at the 2006 Out of Bounds Improv Festival in Austin this September. I'm very excited about the gig, I was there last year scouting it out, and it met my high standards for accepting a gig. Is there parking? (Check.) Is there a bar near by? (that Sixth Street is lousy with them! Check!) Will there be WiFi access so I can keep filing my stories back here as a busy gossip columnist? (They say don't worry about it. They don't pay my rent!) Austin is a fun town, so I hope to see you all there.

The other big project for The Countess is I will begin Lensing a Video later this summer with Stinky the Sock. We are Slated to Shoot "Rainy Days and Mondays" directed by Patrick Gerrety. You think this was Variety or something!